一位家長在添加我們的微信后，在微信上說。“老師！你好！我的孩子現(xiàn)在是初二，還有一年就要期中考試了。我對(duì)英語很感興趣，能給我一份考試及格的英語短文嗎？”

雖然各地方高考試題不同，但英語教科書基本保持相同，中學(xué)范圍單詞也是一樣的。我可以找我們地區(qū)5篇，一次合格的英語幽默短文來參考。都有中文翻譯。家長或同學(xué)們會(huì)顯得輕松一些。

內(nèi)的first and mylast

When George was thirty-five，he bought a small plane and learned to

flyit . he soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of

Tricks。

George had a friend . his name was mark . one day George offered to take

Mark up in his plane.mark thought，' I' ve travelled in a big plane

Several times，but I've never been in a smallone，so I' ll go . "

They went up，and George flew around for half an hour and did all

Kinds of tricks in the air。

When they came down again，mark was very glad to be back safely，and

he said to his friend in a shaking voice，' well，George，thank you

very much for those two trips in your plane。'

Gero gy was very surprised and said，“two trips？”

Yes，my first and my last，' answered mark。

第一個(gè)和最后一個(gè)

喬治35歲買了一架小型飛機(jī)，開始學(xué)開車。不久他就能非常熟練地駕駛飛機(jī)了

進(jìn)行了多種特技飛行。

喬治有個(gè)朋友叫馬克。有一天，喬治主動(dòng)邀請(qǐng)馬克乘坐他的飛機(jī)在天空轉(zhuǎn)了一圈。

馬克是這么想的?！拔易罂蜋C(jī)飛了很多次，還沒有坐過小飛機(jī)，最好試試?！??！薄?

起飛后，喬治飛行了半個(gè)小時(shí)，在空中進(jìn)行了各種飛行特技。

后來他們著陸了。馬克很高興能安全返回地面。他用顫抖的聲音告訴他的朋友

朋友說?！皢讨危x謝你讓我坐小飛機(jī)飛兩次?！?

喬治非常驚訝地問。“兩次飛行？”" "

“是的，第一次也是最后一次?！瘪R克回答說。

First Flight

Johnson had never been up in an aero phane before and he had read a lot about air accidents，So one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride

his friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport . Mr . Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight weep Take

after a minute or two he opened them again，looked out of the window of the plane，and said to his friend，' look at those people down there

;t they?"

"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

第一次坐飛機(jī)

約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機(jī)，他讀過許多關(guān)于飛行事故的報(bào)道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請(qǐng)他乘自己的小飛機(jī)飛行時(shí)，約翰遜先生非常擔(dān)心，不敢接受。不過，由于朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終于被說服了，登上了飛機(jī)。

他的朋友啟動(dòng)引擎開始在機(jī)場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險(xiǎn)的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。

過了一兩分鐘，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對(duì)朋友說道：“看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是？”

“那些就是螞蟻，”他的朋友答道，“我們還在地面上。”

A Nail Or A Fly?

An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!

釘子還是蒼蠅？

一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進(jìn)了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在墻上有只蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個(gè)女服務(wù)員發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)生的事情以后，對(duì)他深表同情，決定幫他個(gè)忙。

于是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時(shí)，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。

這里，老人回到了房里。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往墻上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務(wù)員沖進(jìn)房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關(guān)緊咬，右手滴血不止。

I'll See to the Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.

"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."

其余的事由我負(fù)責(zé)

一位車上的列車員剛發(fā)出信號(hào)讓火車啟動(dòng)，這時(shí)他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺(tái)上一節(jié)打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。

“快點(diǎn)，小姐!”他喊道：“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上?！?

“噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢?！彼卮鸬?。

“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上好了，”列車員說：“其余的事由我負(fù)責(zé)。”

Chaude and Cold

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

熱與冷

蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結(jié)果被水燙傷了?！斑@太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標(biāo)著C的龍頭流出的是開水。”

“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語里代表‘熱’。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點(diǎn)。”

“等等，”那位顧客咆哮一聲，“另外一個(gè)龍頭同樣標(biāo)的是C?！?

“當(dāng)然，”經(jīng)理說道：“它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個(gè)雙語城市。”

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